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I do not need to investigate why it makes me horny. I have no idea what this movie is about—the muted Instagram ads don't give much away, and I just assume that something bad happens at this motel, and I hope that Cynthia Erivo, who is also in it, sings because she has the voice of an angel. Or maybe I'm just reeling with self-hatred, not about my own personal lack of muscle definition but because I'm debased by such a basic attraction. My biceps are probably the size of his ankles. All of that somehow gets wrapped up into a perfect one-second moving image, a tiny blip of a thing that carries with it so much emotional weight. Chris Hemsworth makes me so horny and mad, all at the same time. His hair is perfect—greasy and stringy, a sort of contemporary update to the slacker-adjacent haircut popular among famous and attractive men in the '90s.

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Brylee. Age: 30.
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What I do know: Chris Hemsworth is back at it again, showing off his fine ass body and being charming as hell, and it makes me so mad.

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Ashley. Age: 25.
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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

It makes me so horny and mad, all at the same time. This weird thing keeps happening to me. I have no idea what this movie is about—the muted Instagram ads don't give much away, and I just assume that something bad happens at this motel, and I hope that Cynthia Erivo, who is also in it, sings because she has the voice of an angel.

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